It's the big topic that most parents dread having. It's a topic teens dread discussing—at least with their parents. So how do you even get the conversation started? First, try taking a few deep breaths, then ditch the stork story—and read on.

Take a broad approach

For starters, remember that sex isn't just about, well, having sex. Sex is about many things and the more ground you cover with your teen, the less focused your conversations will be on the act itself. Sexuality includes:

• Who you are and how the sexes differ—not just in their anatomy but also in their outlook and actions.
• Who you're becoming—how a person's body changes, how we view our relationships and how those relationships evolve.
• How our sexual feelings are part of our overall health—and personalities.

Tips on talking to your teen

Approach the teen sex talk as you would any important activity:

• Plan ahead. Be clear in your own mind about you what want to say and achieve.
• Be prepared to start the conversation. Since you're the adult and some teens recoil when the words "sex" and "parents" are in the same sentence, it's likely up to you to bring up the subject.
• Pick the time and place. Choose somewhere where you can be comfortable and won't be interrupted. Or maybe it's easier (and less stressful) to talk to your teen while you're doing an activity, like hiking, walking the dog or going for a drive.
• Be clear. Let your teen know that you're not looking for descriptions of sexual activities. Rather, you're there to share your beliefs and values, and to support and help your teen sort through any issues that are bothering them.
• Listen to what they say. Listen carefully and you will likely get a more complete picture of your teen as a person rather than just their views on sex.
• Be honest. There's no other way to do this. Your teen may be operating on a lot of misinformation and if they're going to trust you, you need to be truthful.
• Be positive. Sex is a big part of life and a good part of life if approached with the right attitude. Even if you disagree with your teen about some aspect of it, don't try to frighten them. Ultimately it won't work anyway, and it may destroy the trust you want to build.
• Discuss everything. Sex is a big topic that includes intercourse, masturbation, birth control, sexually transmitted diseases, sexual orientation, assault and abuse. Be willing to talk about whatever your teen wants to discuss.

Don't forget their partners

Even if your teen isn't sexually active, you should still talk about sexual partners and the issues they are likely to encounter, such as:

• Their partner's feelings
• Communicating so both partners understand what they want from the relationship
• Not pressuring someone into having sex

Sometimes it takes time

The sex talk isn't always going to go well or get done with just one try. Sometimes it won't even get started since your teen may not want to talk to mom or dad about sex. If that's the case, don't take it personally.

Having the sex talk is a process. And even if it looks like you aren't going to ever actually have a meaningful discussion, you can at least let them know that you're there to help if they ever decide they need it.